Sometimes in our lives, hope can be hard to come by. Suffering can be overwhelming; it can seem like things are getting worse out there in terms of how people treat one another; and it can also be easy to compare ourselves to other people. Inevitably, I think for a lot of us, we can wonder “OK God, where are you in all of this?”
Cynthia Bilyk, who today works in psychology, wondered this years ago when as a teenager at the age of 15, her world took a bleak turn for the worst. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer, again. The first time had been devastating. She underwent chemotherapy and she beat the cancer. Then the cancer came back. This time, however, there was more to worry about then just the disease her mom was battling. Because of the medical bills she was paying from her pervious cancer, the illness left her on the brink of financial ruin. her dad had died years before. It was just mom trying to hold down the fort. Her mom made too much to qualify for any time of assistance and too little to pay the mounting bills. Cynthia was too young to get a job.
That winter was the worst. They didn’t have money to pay for electricity, so they did without. They had a little gas stove the provided heat, and their neighbor let them plug in an extension cord to his home so that they could have one lamp on in their home. The gas stove in the living room was the only heat in the house. Cynthia slept on the floor in the living room, as close as she could to the stove without setting herself on fire. Her mom slept in her cold room with as many blankets as she could pile on her.
Every day and every night her mom prayed and often asked Cynthia to pray with her. She thanked God for their blessings, thanked God for each other and always asked God to give them the strength to get through the hard times they were experiencing. She as never bitter, angry or demanding. She believed God would see them through it. Cindy on the other hand wasn’t so sure. For if God was so good and great, why were they suffering like they were? Why had her mom, who still walked to church every Sunday no matter how cold it was or how sick she felt, gotten cancer again? Sometimes for Cindy it was hard for her to pray. She was angry at God. She was angry at the world. Life just wasn’t fair.
Thanksgiving Day came. She searched their cupboards for food and there wasn’t much. Cindy started slamming doors as she looked through the cabinets for a can of food they might have missed. The more she searched the angrier she became. These noise must have woken her mom, because she came to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket. She looked worried for Cindy, and she asked her “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Cindy retorted, “I’m hungry, that’s what’s wrong.” She wasn’t angry at her mom. She was angry at the situation. She reflected she knew she was acting like a jerk but she couldn’t help it.
She opened her arms towards her daughter and said “Come here and let’s pray.” Cindy rolled her eyes. “Like that ever works,” she said. She knew her words would hurt her mom, but she was too upset to take them back.
She looked at her mom. The sadness in her eyes killed her. “God hears our prayers,” she said. “We have a million blessings if you just open your eyes to them. Right now things are hard, but God is here helping us through this. Whatever we need, God will provide. All you have to do is have faith. Pray for what we need and God will answer.”
In anger, Cindy said “Oh really, is that so?” She turned on her. “If God is so great, why are we starving? If God is so wonderful, why are we freezing to death in our own house?” The hurt on her face was more than Cindy could bear. Cindy says she was sickened by her outburst but too angry at God to stop. “Hey God” she yelled up toward the ceiling “if you are powerful and almighty, why don’t you send us something to eat? In fact, since it’s Thanksgiving, why don’t you send us a fat juicy turkey with all the trimmings? Or are we not good enough for you to send us some food?”
Cindy looked at the table scornfully and said “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I don’t see any Thanksgiving Dinner, do you?” She sassed her mom, and Cindy stood there as her mom cried.
Cindy said she was deeply ashamed of what she did and said, but she was still very angry at God and their circumstances. She walked fast, practically running to get out of the house. She yanked the door open almost colliding with a stocky man in a blue striped shirt carrying an armful of boxes.
“Oh, just in time!” he said and walked in. “Happy Thanksgiving to you both!” he said cheerfully as he put all the boxes on the table. “This big box here is the Thanksgiving turkey, cooked of course. And this one is mashed potatoes; this container has gravy. Oh and this one here is pumpkin pie, and this one pecan pie.”
Suddenly at that moment Cindy says her ears felt full of cotton. She couldn’t hear a word he was saying. She could smell the turkey, the stuffing, all the food in the containers. She could see their little table pilled with boxes of food. “So you all have a great Thanksgiving. Now ma’am, if you’ll just sign here for the delivery” and he handed the pen to Cindy’s mom. Cindy noted the delivery man was staring at her with blue eyes, and smiled and said “God bless you my child.”
Cindy stood there in shock as he left. She says she tried to chase after him, but he left so quickly she didn’t see where he went. In fact, Cindy says on that day she remembered only one set of footprints in the snow; those would have been her own from before.
She closes by saying whenever God seems far away, she remembers that Thanksgiving. She remembers the angel sent by God to cool her anger. That angel she says, and she has no doubt he was an angel, showed her that God cared enough to bring them food in their time of need, and bring faith back to one girl’s heart.
In life there it is OK to complain and to grumble at times. But at the same time, it’s also worth remembering how blessed we are. Things don’t always work out the way we want, but through it all is both God, and one another. A God who suffered with is and stood by our side; and a God who is there to comfort us with His love and mercy. But so too in this are the people who do so much for us on our journey.
This Thanksgiving, may we open our eyes as Cindy’s mom did to the presence of God, and also the blessings in our lives. We ask for many things, but also as we pray there are so many things each day to be thankful for.
May we never forget the power we have to help one another. People helped Cindy and her mom when they needed them with no strings attached, but every day before is us the power to bring a little bit of light in this world. Maybe it’s the gift of our time, our patience, our forgiveness, or meeting the spiritual need of someone or helping them with something. God gives us so many chances to be an agent of grace.
Looking at my life, admittedly I’ve daydreamed about different things as we all do. But I often can’t help but think of George Bailey at the end of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” He still has a drafty home in need of some repairs, the stress of the Building and Loan and daily life, and many challenges, but his brother Harry toasts him and says “to my big brother George, the richest man in town.” We may not always feel that way, but how blessed we are. I think of my parents and family, my dog, the great people who are in my life, the beauty of nature and the world around me I spend time photographing, and the simple joys of each day. Indeed, life is a great ride – may we open our eyes to see all that we have, and give thanks for it every day.
Have a very blessed Thanksgiving this week with you and your loved ones.
God bless, ~Fr. Paul
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November 2024