As May of 2007 approached, I and my classmates were certainly looking forward to “the big day” – namely the day of our ordination. I’d been in seminary 6 years at that point, (following being in school for over 4 years as I finished my undergraduate degree) and finally ordination was here.
The day came, and it was a very moving experience to say the least.
However, in the years that followed, what I’ve always believed is that I’m a work in progress, trying to become better as a priest and as a human being. And how important it is for all of us to have this mentality in our vocation.
With that in mind, as we celebrate our Cana Dinner this weekend, I’d like to share something I include in many wedding homilies, namely some thoughts on how marriages can be made stronger over the years.
1. Telling each other how you feel. Sometimes we bottle-up emotions especially from each other. It’s especially important to be honest about things you have concerns about. Don’t use the Minnesota version of “How are you doing” where we assume the answer is always “OK” – because often it’s not OK.
2. Deal with conflict. Every healthy marriage has conflict, because you have two intelligent, rational people coming upon problems and seeing them differently. And because we all think differently, there will be conflict. Resolution of it is important. The biggest problems, called “The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” by marriage researcher and author John Gottman, are criticism (e.g., you are sloppy, you never do enough, etc.”); contempt (being sarcastic or cynical); defensiveness (blaming the other person) and stonewalling (the silent treatment, refusing to talk about the issue and burying it). So, a couple can’t be afraid to disagree.
3. Pay attention to the Third Party in the marriage: God. Weddings are in churches for Catholics because we believe God is present in the marriage. Try to see how God is present always in your marriage. Make some time for prayer. Come to church together and have an active spiritual life.
4. Focus on the positive. So often we can tear each other down in life; it’s our favorite activity, it seems, if you go by social media. That can creep into a marriage too. Try to compliment each other, and cherish one another.
5. Remember you don’t have to wait for an anniversary or a birthday to do something nice. There are many little things that can be done that really help a marriage grow.
6. Compromise. If one party closes their ears to the needs of the others, it’s a big problem. Every married couple knows there will be frustrations with the other. But rather than digging in one’s heels, it’s important to listen to where the other person is coming from.
7. Remember you are a team. A marriage is a partnership, where two people mutually love and serve one another. It’s important to work together on things from household chores to where we go on vacation to finances and have that mutual respect for one another.
8. Seek a supportive community. We need friends and family. God knows we can’t do it alone, and sometimes in a marriage it helps to get advice from someone else, whether it’s your parents, others in the parish, or even going on a marriage retreat.
9. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry.” So often pride gets in the way, and we can’t admit we made a mistake. But we are all flawed; we ask for forgiveness at the start of each Mass, we need to do that in marriages and relationships too, as we all make mistakes.
To all of our married couples, thank you so much for your vocation. Sacraments are signs in the world of the presence of God, and couples reveal so much to us about the nature of love in how they live out their sacrament.
Have a blessed week!
Fr. Paul
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February 8, 2026